For example, how do you expect me to watch Paddington2 without watching the first Paddington? I’m sure there are essential plot points I would have to know, going into the sequel. This is unacceptable.
Life is like Netflix
Netflix has a lot of good stuff. But it also has a lot of…less good stuff. But, if you just lower your standards to like, the floor, you can find yourself enjoying almost anything.
I’m used to it now, but when Netflix first started asking if I was still watching, it was like, “Stop judging me, Netflix! So what if I haven’t moved from this spot in eight days!”
This is a brilliant idea. Mike knows what Mike likes, but Drunk Mike is a total wildcard. He’ll watch subtitled foreign children’s cartoons or documentaries about pretzel-making.
Drunk Mike does not care.
Look, sure, I may not meet the love of my life while I’m home watching Netflix, but what’s the alternative? Putting on pants?
I think not.
The time commitment
I cannot tell you how many times I have done this. “Eh, I can’t pay attention for two hours. I’ll just watch nine episodes of Arrested Development instead.”
If you actually bought Netflix and are using your own password, are you OK? Do you have any family or friends whatsoever? The least they can do is give you the Netflix password.
Samesies. What else would you do as a ghost? It’d be too exhausting to haunt people. Although I guess whoever’s living in the house I was in would get pretty spooked every time an episode of Frasier started playing randomly.
Best in the world
I am just so glad it’s not just me. Finally, I can out myself as someone who cannot for the life of me figure out how to just rewind a little bit to the sentence that I missed.
British TV dramas
Hm, the entire cast of that Black Mirror episode looks suspiciously like the exact people who played almost all the professors in every Harry Potter movie…
It’s amazing how much time one can waste just deciding what to watch. More than once, I’ve been scrolling and forgot what I was doing. Literally had to be like, “Oh yeah, I was trying to choose something to watch.”
This is so accurate. And it does not matter that you can revisit those movies any time you want because you just know you aren’t going to.
Watching Netflix stressfully
Listen, things aren’t so bad that you’re going to actually stop watching Netflix. That would be absurd.
If that’s a superpower, then I belong in the X-Men, along with every other person I know. I’m so good at this.
Definition of insanity
Attention spans these days are so darn short. It’s like —
Ooh, a squirrel!
I also need this. “You stopped liking this six episodes ago, and it’s only gotten worse. Move. On.”
One more episode
Netflix itself gets in on the Netflix joke game and the results are so funny and also so sad. They totally get what they are doing to us.
Everyone’s favorite game
The answer is YES. A resounding yes. Although I do need another fix of true crime soon. They’re slacking on that lately.
Oh, this would be funny if it wasn’t so sad. I am actually really glad that Netflix didn’t exist for most of the years I was in school.
A Christmas Prince
Oh, here we go! Netflix used their stats to call out people who watched this cheesy Christmas movie 18 days in a row. What are you trying to do to us, Netflix?
I have a theory. Do you think Netflix puts all that bad stuff up so that when we do find something good, we’re like, “Hallelujah thank the lord almighty, Netflix has done it again!”?
How many naps?
The number might surprise you!
It’s a million.
A million naps.
The sequel, America 2018, is somehow even more disturbing and apocalyptic than the first one. I know. We didn’t think it was possible, but here we are.
This is a good idea. “Now that you’ve watched every episode of New Girl (again), why don’t you call your grandmother?”
Netflix and chill
Some people think “Netflix and chill” means, “Put on Netflix and start making out.” To Netflix devotees, it means, “Put on Netflix and chill with the talking because we have a movie to watch.”
Are you still watching?
It’s been 80 years. Are you still watching? Or has your flesh melted into the couch cushion and are you being devoured by your pets?
All the devices
I need to be able to start Netflix on my TV, and then move to the bedroom, the bathroom, and the kitchen and still be able to watch it. Might as well just inject it into my brain.
And the Oscar goes to…
Look, the Oscars clearly aren’t based on popularity (and they won’t be anytime soon since they scrapped the new category ), but if they were, A Christmas Prince should win all the awards forever.
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